Recently have been very stressed up over common test and even more stressed up as my classmates keep discussing the correct answer after the test...

Cause it is like I didn't get anything right...

So after each test, I ended up "locking in my room" and study harder and harder (as in without stopping kind).. I even abandon my habit of MUST SLEEP FOR AT LEAST 3 hours right after the test thing.. (but I got slp for at least 4 hours each night as usual) I have this habit cause I always end up exhausted after test/exam even if it is my most good at subject..

I am weak I guessed..

but of course because of that whatever I memorised for yesterday tax, I forgot during the test as I am too tired.. Haaha, not because of ry emphasize of NET la.. haha, a too tired person will only rmb what is last said..

But yesterday I did nap for 1 hour and discovered how tired I am, I cant even see clearly after the nap, like i accidentally spilled some furikake (those jap kind of sprinkles over rice thing, got seaweed, wasabi etc) on the floor, but I can't even see where it is without leaning my face on the floor.. haha -_-ll

so ended up no study yesterday

and then today, still very sleepy.. then no motivation.. actually wanna get some motivation by looking at my past results (pri, sec and poly)

I always knew that I am really lousy in pri sch.. except in pri one, I rarely get any band 1 at all... mostly band 3.. and during sec sch, I have always remained on the 70% + range in terms of total results (Initially 50-60+%) ..

I forgot about it and always thought that I have done quite well at least 80+% ... cause last time I only mind my position in class haha .. as long as top 3, I am happy

Then after going to poly, so many experts in our class, I kinda feel as if getting GPA 3.5 and above is a must do thing.. so I felt disappointed when my first gpa is 2.95 (73%) but it is actually what my usual result should be.. (I forgot that I am only good at math but not everything =_=ll) and keep wanna aim for 3.5 and above.. never study but keep putting stress on myself..

In fact, I think poly results are the best overall results I have ever got all my life until now

In the end now then know that I have never enjoyed my poly life at all, I did not make any really good friends like in pri sch, no achievement in cca at all like in sec sch, no motivation at all like when I go for 3 months JC..

and have hated myself for being lazy for 2 and a half year..

Now I only wish that my CT will at least pass, I dont want retest T.T
It doesn't matter even if I don't excel any more, cause it is not my range..
and not my speciality to study it all... and

working hard is definitely not me unless I really liked something..

After all, I am a very average person, average results, sports, looks and talent... with no speciality but a little of eveything =P