My friend asked me to look for a boyfriend....
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hahahha
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Wat a joke... =_=lll

Finally exams ended...
The next problem arise... To work or to study??

At first I wanted to go NTU is because of course I dont want to work and I wanted to learn violin.. Then suddenly become really feel like going there..
However, although almost everyone got apply for uni in poly, it seems like most of them are more determined to go to work instead..

Why I dont want to work?
Cause I no confidence.. I not even sure what I learnt over these three years.. I am scare of being critisize that I am stupid or something along that line (Cause I am always reminded of it since young).. I am afraid of responsibility, communication, opening up, stress etc etc...
No courage, no confidence. In other words low self esteem and is very self concious...

I still remember when I am in pri sch, my bro is scare of working. I even told him, this also scare, if it is me, I would have applied for it, can earn more money.. Now, it turns out that I am the one with this problem..

So why did the me then and the me now is different ??
Exactly what happened in between???????

I guess it is due to accumulation of other's opinion.... maybe?
I feel that I used to be more cheerful or care nothing about the world kind ... I do what I do (Although I still do but to a limit)... I like to follow principles (mine??)... In pri sch, I always make sure I tuck in my PE shirt, bring my lunchbox, I refuse to wear anything except dress/skirt etc.. I thought it is normal...
Then suddenly one day (I guess that is the most early opinion that affect me), during PE running, a girl came out to me and say, "Hey, why do u always tuck in your shirt? Are you trying to be sexy (in pri sch =_=ll) and attract boys' attention?" (Partly also because I am taller than them and thus the PE shorts seems especially short)
Confused, so I look back, all the gals did not tuck in.. Then, of course I say no and then follow suit, so as not to stand out...

Cause I got see my class outcasting one transfer gal b4, it is very terrible. They wont talk to her, share stuff with her, talk bad etc etc.. (Although I am her good friend later ... haha) Then she cannot stand it, transfer again...

Afterwards, lots of other comments like why u so skinnier than us, u are so daring etc... Then when I gain weight now, become my mother say why u so fat, so timid... =_=ll (cause she lighter than me, I am lighter than her originally)

LOL.. I am talking about myself again... I guess I like to talk about myself...

But anyway, in the process, I think I am loss.. I am not sure which is the real me.. So I get afraid and no confidence about what I can do....
Like pri sch, I am confident about sports even if academic is super terrible.. in sec sch is maths, although the rest are borderline.. in poly, there isnt anything I am especially good at.. there is nothing to rely on...?
I have to have something I can boost to be confident? Maybe that is me ...?

Back to question, work or study.. ?????????????

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....... no answer......

Invitation to birthday party.. what should I do?
Go or dont go?
Dont really want you see me like this and will I be able to talk properly?
Do I still...??
Is everything repeating again??


My "??" key on the laptop keyboard finally drops off.. So diffiult to press now ..
Maybe I should ask less questions already? haha

Well since we are graduating this year, I wanted to give a gift to my class.. But cant think of any... Just then I thought of drawing a class chibi .. (I managed to draw it in JC)

Does it resemble me?

But then It is very difficult to capture everyone's main feature.. Even though I have been observing all of them for a while now.. (For me, it is my specs and hairstyle. And ocassional hairband) I want to make it such that the moment people see it, u will know who it is..


I gave up after drawing 3 people ..

There is 2 drafts here
Can u guess who is who?

(Highlight to see answer)

1.YT 2.HM

A few of the problems ...

RY -> Hair ..... Never really know how it looks like

Jes -> Hair ..... Center parting... Draw out look very weird...

CY -> Can't grab main feature cause her "diao" leave the most impression XP

So I guess no present after all... XP

I have been sick for 3 days from sore throat to Flu + Cough + SOre Throat.. I almost have a fever 37.4 degree C.. Somehow my degree keep stopping there whenever I measure. The thermometer must be spoil one lo.. cause my body burning like dont know what..

Then eat what also feel like vomiting + cannot eat properly due to sore throat, Whole body no strength and feel dizzy when walking.. First time sick until so tired.. cause

Play games -> Feel like sleeping
Sleep -> Feel guilty for not studying for exams
Study -> Feel like playing Piano
Piano -> Feel like playing games

Whole time dont know what I want to do.. waste a lot of time.. haiz

Received a rose today from MC .. haha not only me though..
And then we did stupid thing with that rose.. That is to wear it... -_-ll

Girls are ok but boys hahah XD Hilarous .. Everyone gave us a super weird look like is there any special event or stuffs like that.. THere is even one group of girls mumbling "Kawaii Ne" when they pass by us .. XP

Exams.. are round the corner.. In fact it is barely 2 weeks. Yet I dont have any sense of urgency at all.. I wonder why. Maybe because I dont know where to start from??

Even though I aim for NTU but my actions dont prove anything .. -_- haiz...